Rebecca Graham Forde, The Birthday Party

THE BIRTHDAY PARTY
An Original Ten Minute Play
Rebecca Graham Forde

CAST 

MARTINE                             In her 30s, the long-time maid who delightfully served under the

grand lady of the home, but detests her sons 

CONSTABLE HARRIS        The local authority

WILLIAM CHATTERTON 50s, the arrogant, balding, modern art-collecting lord of a 5th Ave   mansion

CURTIS  CHATTERTON    40’s, the younger brother who often sits and thinks about nothing 

 AUDREA CHATTERTON The deceased Grand Dame of the House. She is not missed, except by one. 

SET DRESSING 

A rotunda with a formal, rectangular dining room table. Modern, confrontational art and neon hot button slogans hang sloppily on the walls with classic art, in a tug of war of classic vs. modern.

An impressive grandfather clock sits on one side of the room. A fireplace sits dormant. 

A beautiful, if not severe, portrait of Audrea Chatterton, Lady of the House hangs over the mantel.

The table is set with delicate china, and dozens and dozens of pink freesias sit in a tall vase, with a single red rose set in the middle. 

A lavish Birthday Cake sits center stage.   

There are four table settings. 

SCENE I

MARTINE, dressed in a formal maid’s uniform, stands at one end of a lavishly decorated table. She fiddles with the silver place settings, then fiddles again to make them just perfect. She shifts the glassware back and forth by mere centimeters. 

She checks the grandfather clock. It reads 7:45PM  

She checks around her to make sure she’s alone. She goes to a small pantry door that blends seamlessly into the wallpaper and opens it. Inside is Constable Harris, waiting. 

MARTINE
It’s almost 8PM. Are you comfortable?

CONSTABLE HARRIS
Comfortable? No. Confused, yes, as to why I agree to do this each year. 

MARTINE
I believe this year she’ll arrive, sir. 

CONSTABLE HARRIS
You say this every year. Hasn’t Ms. Chatterton has been dead ten years this evening?   

MARTINE
Please sir, I’ll only need an hour of your time.   

CONSTABLE HARRIS
I’m telling you I’ve indulged this enough, in fact…  

Martine shuts the door before he can protest further.

She crosses to the fireplace, holding a letter in her hand. She looks to the portrait.

MARTINE

Oh Madame, it’s been ten years; please come as you promised, tonight. Lift the veil once and for all. I’ve done everything you’ve asked.  I don’t know how much longer I can endure the boys and their horrible taste: their horrible manners, their treatment.  

WILLIAM enters, dressed in a smoking jacket. He overhears the last of Martine’s plea.

In an act of defiance, he pops the red rose into his lapel.

WILLIAM
“Yes, madame, those boys of yours, what terrible pests to my work they’ve become. They actually make me do things and work for my pay. ”

Martine hides the letter in her pocket and turns to confront William.

MARTINE
Reduced pay. The flower is for the arrangement. She was very specific.  

WILLIAM
The flower is for however I see fit. I think the roles around here have gotten a little out of sorts: remember you’re the maid, and I’m the Lord of this Home.

 MARTINE
So you remind me every day. Everything is ready for this evening, sir.  

WILLIAM
If you’ve been thorough tonight it’s for her, not for me. I don’t know why we go through this trouble every year, anyway.  

MARTINE
It was her wish. It’s just one night, her favorite night. She was your mother, you can indulge her.  

Martine fiddles one more time with the place settings, while William casually picks up a crystal glass to pour himself a bourbon. 

WILLIAM
Well we’ve been indulging mother’s wishes for ten years now. I declare this eve will be the last time.  

MARTINE
And risk the curse?  

WILLIAM
You and this damn curse; sometimes I think that’s all you believe in.  

MARTINE
Well, I’m not the only one that’s shown up to her birthday party, every year.  

CURTIS shuffles in. He’s wearing a Grand Dame’s ballgown, and rows and rows of pearls. He’s got a terrible wig on and bright red lips.  

Martine GASPS when she sees him. 

CURTIS
(in terrible female accent)
“And I’ll avenge any heir who shan’t honor each year of my birth in a manner to which I would approve.”  

WILLIAM
Brilliant, pearls, darling.  

CURTIS
Thank you, they were my mother’s.

 MARTINE
Madam wouldn’t approve of this.  

Curtis tosses the wig on the flowers, and lounges in one dinner chair.   

CURTIS
I always wished mother had a sense of humor. But alas, all she had was money.  

WILLIAM
Lots of it.

 CURTIS
That I happily spend every day.  

MARTINE
The way you two speak of the dead.

 WILLIAM
And the way you speak to me, maid.

 MARTINE
Excuse me, sir. But I am only fulfilling Madame’s explicit wishes. Like every year, I’m anxious to see if she’ll arrive.  

WILLIAM
Oh enough! Each year we sit here and eat the same old beef wellington, drink her wine…

 CURTIS
Fine wine….but that rotten old meat and potato.  

WILLIAM
And do our little ritual in an effort to quell the spirit of an old bat who was more than ready to go.

 MARTINE

She wasn’t ready to go. It was all so sudden.  I had been with her just an hour, prior.  

WILLIAM
As you frequently mention to us, both. What are you suggesting, maid?  

MARTINE
Nothing. It was sudden. I miss her, that’s all.

  CURTIS
Oh sweet Martine, the old goat was ready to kick, sometimes we are too close to the tides to see the tidal wave coming at us.   

Martine removes the wig off the centerpiece, tosses it at Curtis and repositions the table as it was.

 MARTINE
And yet, here you both are, waiting to see if she comes, careful to not invoke the curse and your nightmare: to be banished from this home, penniless.   

WILLIAM
Well maybe you should get used to the idea.  

 CURTIS
Well, I’m here of course, remember mother also had that temper. You know how she could get.  

WILLIAM
She’s dead, Curtis.   

MARTINE
It’s still her house, alive or dead.  

WILLIAM
Actually it’s our…honestly, what makes you think she can cross back over?              

MARTINE
Because she promised me in her dying breath. And you know your mother always kept her word. Especially to me.  

WILLIAM
Yes, and I’ve always suspected there’s more to you than your desire to cook and clean. Angling for a future that your birthright did not provide?  

MARTINE
I loved her. That is all. It’s almost 8PM. I’ll fetch the desert plates.

  Martine EXITS. Curtis and William draw close. 

 WILLIAM
Ten years of being told how “Mother knew best.” I’m done with this and her; I find it all suspicious and exhausting.  

CURTIS
They were extraordinarily close. I’m sure mother liked her better than you.  

WILLIAM
And what about you?

 CURTIS
Well I was her favorite, of course. But truly, how much longer will we keep Martine on?

  WILLIAM
It’s our house now, not Mother’s. The fight about the redecorating was my last straw. “Madame wouldn’t approve, Madame had the walls hand-painted. Madame liked the China as is.” We’ll tell her right after the imaginary birthday party for our rotten mother who only haunts us in our memories. She’ll pack her bags and we’ll finally be free.   

CURTIS
I will miss her French toast, but enjoy removing every trace of Mother, once and for all. But she isn’t wrong. Mother did always keep her word, even though she was always horribly late to everything. What if she does show? What if our secret is revealed?

 WILLIAM
You’re paranoid. Besides, what could she do? She’s dead!

William takes the wig out of Curtis’s hand. He dances around a bit with it on.  

WILLIAM
Time to bring some life back to this house and get rid of little miss loyal stick in the mud.

  The CLOCK STRIKES 8 O’CLOCK AND GONGS. 

At that exact moment William tosses the wig into the fire, just as Martine returns with four plates delicately balanced on her arms. 

With no prompt, the fire ROARS to life. Curtis and William jump back. 

WILLIAM
Fool, no one told me it was lit.  

MARTINE
It wasn’t. Oh my God! Look!

Out of the ashes appears AUDREA, Grand Dame of the home: a ghost dressed in a very similar outfit as Curtis. 

WILLIAM/CURTIS
Mother?!?  

MARTINE
Madame. It’s you. You’ve finally come home.

Audrea, while grand, seems disoriented as she looks around the room. 

CURTIS
I thought you said she was “dead and gone forever.”  

WILLIAM
I didn’t think that was an unreasonable statement.  

CURTIS
What could it want?   

WILLIAM
I don’t know, but stand on guard. The curse might be real, and I’ll be terrible as homeless and poor. Do as it says.  

CURTIS
A death of a whole other degree. We’d be the laughing-stock at the club.  Oh my god, we’d need to quit the club.  

Audrea begins to walk around the table like an Empress. The actors walk backwards, also around the table, never separating or taking their eyes off her. 

CURTIS
Was mother always so tall?  

WILLIAM
Don’t talk to it, maybe she’ll go away.

Audrea moves slowly towards the dining room table. 

She notices the red rose in William’s lapel. She points to the spot that it was taken.

MARTINE
William, the flower. Put it back.

William reluctantly puts it back in place. 

Audrea takes her seat as head of house.  

The actors are frozen; Audrea nods and they all slither into their seats.

  MARTINE
Do exactly as she says. Remember, it’s HER party.  

WILLIAM
Story of our lives.  

CURTIS
Call me crazy, but I think death suits her.

Audrea inspects the table setting. She looks to
Martine and nods. She holds up her wine glass.

Martine stands, taking this as a clue that she’d like her wine glass filled. Martine pours the wine to just the edge of the crystal’s top. 

WILLIAM
At least mother liked a good pour. (he downs the glass) Another, maid.

Martine goes to pour but Audrea holds her hand up and slams it towards the table. The entire group JUMPS in the air. Curtis dives to the ground. 

  CURTIS
Don’t hurt me, mother. Remember, I was your favorite!  

Audrea holds out her hand. William and Curtis look at each other. 

MARTINE
Remember, you must greet her before you sit. Kiss her hand, like old times.  

CURTIS
Oh my God. Demoralized even from the afterlife.  

Audrea holds her arm out. William and Curtis each do a wildly comedic, if not neurotic, terrified, slip and slide towards the ghost.

CURTIS
She smells like a rotten garden.

 WILLIAM
That’s because she’s buried in one.

Each cautiously bends down to kiss the ghostly hand. William spits and curses, while Curtis is unable to unpucker his lips. 

Martine goes last. Her approach is more loving. Audrea embraces Martine’s hand and they share a tender moment. 

MARTINE
You look very beautiful tonight, Madame. I’ve missed you, so. I hope the table and the flowers are of your liking?

Martine straightens Audrea’s train. 

AUDREA
(In ghostly echo)  Do sit down. 

William looks like he might die. Curtis is hiding under his own skirt.  

CURTIS
It talks.

William leans into Curtis, whispering.

WILLIAM
I don’t know what’s been conjured this evening, but we must keep our wits about us; now that she’s appeared let this be the last time we see her grizzly face forever. Let her – and our secrets – be buried with her to eternity.

MARTINE
Thank you, Madame, for inviting me to your birthday party. I feel very special to sit at the table this evening. I’ve brought the letter you left me, per your wishes.

Audrea gives her a noble bow of the head. Audrea snaps her napkin and places it gently on her lap. William, Curtis, and Martine follow suit. 

WILLIAM
What letter?

Audra then pulls out of her pocket a carefully preserved letter and sets it in front of Audrea.

 MARTINE
I found it tucked in her nightdress the night she’d passed. In her last breath, your mother said I was to bring this letter to her birthday party, and that she would read it when she returned.

 WILLIAM
How dare you hide this from us.   

CURTIS
After all these years. What does it reveal?

 MARTINE
I’ve never opened it. That was her wish. 

 Audrea places the letter above her plate. She lifts one fork, cueing the rest of the party they may start. 

William downs a glass in one go. Martine reluctantly fills it again.  

William and Curtis stare at their plates. 

CURTIS
Can’t say I’m hungry.  

MARTINE
(whispering)
You can’t insult the hostess. You must eat.

CURTIS
Dead hostess, you forgot. Dead.  

WILLIAM
Hiding a letter from mother, what sort of games are you up to?  

MARTINE
As always, I did what your mother asked of me. Is there a reason you’d be so nervous to read her last words?  

WILLIAM
Should you be as obedient to me, we’d get along much better.  

AUDREA
Children. Eat.  

Curtis and William immediately start eating. 

They all chew at Audrea’s pace.  chew….chew….chew…. 

WILLIAM
We’ll be here until tomorrow at this rate.  

Audrea puts her fork down. William and Curtis drop theirs. She daintily taps her mouth. 

AUDREA
Who has decorated my home with all this nonsense?  

William and Curtis look towards the floor and away.  

AUDREA
Who has lined my walls with blasphemy?  

WILLIAM
It is modern art, mother, and from some of the best artists in New York.

AUDREA
I do not approve.

 WILLIAM
I no longer care.

 Audra turns and stares uncomfortably long at her son. She moans a deep, disapproving groan.

CURTIS
Maybe we shouldn’t provoke her.  

MARTINE
Madame, may I clear your plate?

Audrea does a deep nod. Martine clears all the plates quickly and EXITS.    

She returns and lights the candles on the cake. 

  WILLIAM
Are we really doing this?

Martine looks to them both with a stern look. 

MARTINE
It’s the ritual.  

MARTINE/WILLIAM/CURTIS
Happy Birthday to you, Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday dearest mother/madam, apparition from another dimension, happy birthday to you.  

Martine goes to cut the cake, but Audrea stops her. She picks up the unopened letter, unseals it, and hands it to Martine. 

 William becomes tense. 

WILLIAM
Here now, hand me that letter.

 Audrea slams her hand to the table, unleashing another mighty ROAR. Curtis cowers. 

CURTIS
Mother’s temper, oh how it’s all coming back to me.  

WILLIAM
Ghost or not, hand me that letter. I demand to see it.  

MARTINE
I will not. This might answer questions I’ve long held about that night.  

WILLIAM
What “questions?”

MARTINE
Concerning your mother’s untimely demise, and who might be responsible. 
May I open it, Madame?

Audrea bows her head yes.

Martine defiantly opens the letter.  

MARTINE
“My dearest Martine, how I wish you were to have been mine own and leave you all my possessions, as my two sons came to me this very night….”

Curtis jumps up, interrupting her.

  CURTIS
Now what’s this insanity?   

WILLIAM
Outrageous. Mother, dead or not you’ve gone too far.

MARTINE
Why is it outrageous your mother should leave anything to me? I cared for her, unlike you both.  

WILLIAM
Our relationship with our mother is more complicated than bowing to her commands, like you.              

MARTINE

How cruel you were. You think I didn’t hear it all through the walls, the doors…
(yelling towards the closet)
…how I heard you plotting against her, wanting to kill her that very night.

Audrea ROARS in response. 

 WILLIAM
How dare you, you snide little thief. You probably wrote that letter yourself.  

MARTINE
She whispered to me, her last words, what you did. She left this proof. Madame?  

Audra solemnly nodes her head YES.

 CURTIS
You said you’d found her expired. There was never a mention of a letter.  

MARTINE
I lied. Just like you’ve both lied about what happened that evening.  

CURTIS
We endure years of Mother’s control, only to be left with nothing.  

WILLIAM
This is not how the story ends. Over my dead body, mother, does the maid get everything.  

CURTIS
You were right to do it, William.   

MARTINE
Done what?   

CURTIS
Had we only offed the maid as well that evening, none of this would be happening.  

WILLIAM
There’s nothing stopping us now…  

Audrea’s head snap turns to William. William looks as though Curtis has majorly slipped up. 

William picks up a cake knife off the table and approaches Martine.

Martine is standing, now, still holding the letter. 

MARTINE
(screaming)
I knew it! You killed her! Constable! 

The Constable bursts from the cabinet. He stops in awe of the sight of Audrea.

Audrea lets out a terrible HOWL. William and Curtis fall to their knees. 

WILLIAM
Mother, forgive us.  

CURTIS
I was very impressionable.  

CONSTABLE
Good Lord almighty, she’s come back.  

MARTINE
Madame, did your sons kill you on this very night, long ago?  

Audra solemnly nods YES AND POINTS to her sons. Then let’s out a murderous ROAR.

AUDRA
Murder.  

WILLIAM
This is absurd!  

William suddenly makes a move for the letter, grabbing it out of Martine’s hand while still holding the cake knife.

WILLIAM
“My dearest Martine, how I wish you were to have been my own and leave you my possessions, as my two sons came to me this very night….”  (He flips the letter over) There’s nothing more.  

CONSTABLE HARRIS
There doesn’t need to be. Gentlemen, what I’ve heard this evening is a confession of murder.  

WILLIAM
Now see here. We’ve been tricked by some theatrics: a Houdini type spectacle.  

CURTIS
I’m the younger one, and innocent.
(he approaches Audrea)
Curty couldn’t ever hurt mama…  

Audra lets out another ROAR.  

CONSTABLE HARRIS
There are now serious questions that must be answered on the topic of murder. Come along, now.  

The Constable grabs William and Curtis by the arm.  

WILLIAM
This is outrageous. She’s the one that should be questioned. In fact, it’s quite possible she killed our dear, beloved mother herself and framed us of the crime.  

Audrea ROARS in response, sending the three men cowering.

AUDREA
Lies!  

CONSTABLE
They’ll never believe this at the station.  

MARTINE
I think it best you leave and never return.  

CURTIS
Have the house, it’s yours! It’s haunted, anyway!  

WILLIAM
Well, Martine, you’ve impressed me tonight. You’ve certainly worked all this out to your advantage.  

MARTINE
As I said before, I serve at the pleasure of the Madame, living or dead.  

CONSTABLE HARRIS
Miss, I commend you on your cleverness to reveal this crime. 
(to Audrea)
Madame, I will see justice is served. 
This tale will surely win me an award of courage, and, for you both, a stiff sentence.  

CURTIS
A stiff drink might be in order before we depart?  

WILLIAM
Oh shut up, Curtis.   

Curtis, William, and the Constable EXIT. 

Audrea stands from the table. She stops at the flowers and takes the single rose. She presents it to Martine in a gesture of kindness. 

MARTINE
Goodbye, Madame.  You may now rest in peace.   

She steps towards the fire and disappears into the flames. 

The Clock strikes 9 O’clock. The flames spontaneously diminish.

Martine looks around the room and takes a few of the hideous paintings down.

She cuts herself a piece of birthday cake. She tucks the red rose in her hair. 

MARTINE
Happy Birthday, Madame. I will take care of our precious home, as you wished.

THE END